Best Toilet Paper Alternatives

The year 2022 began with the coronavirus wreaking havoc wherever it strikes. Now present in more than 125+ countries, there’s more panic set in people’s lives. We mention panic because people have been advised not to stay out in public spaces. Hence everyone has stocked and over-stocked on necessities until times are good.

That reminds us… Who took all the toilet paper?

Yes, we know that coronavirus is deadly and life-threatening, but you know what’s life-threatening daily?

Not having toilet paper.

Over the world, every day, a person would visit his/her washroom and do number two! Once they’re done, if the toilet paper is absent, God bless America as you will look for anything to ensure your butt is clean. It’s like you’re in a race against time before something bad drops on the floor or any part of your body!

From what we hear, there has been a shortage of toilet paper. We say this as people have cleaned them out of all supermarkets, daily 7/11 stores. Well, we finally understand everyone does take crap seriously! (You see what we did there, right?)

So does this mean you won’t have toilet paper for the next few days? What will you manage? Wait, are there any alternatives to this? Yes, yes, and yes! We do have a list of other options that are present, so you never have a lousy toilet dream! Check out these 14 alternatives so you can keep them as a backup for the worst-case scenario.

Best Toilet Paper Alternatives

1. Paper

Okay, don’t give us that look. Paper is also like the immediate alternative of the toilet paper. More like a far-off cousin you see for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Paper also happens to be the first thing you will look for when you are out of toilet paper. This can be anything from notebook pages, newspaper pages, love letters written by your Ex, Payment reminders. But to be safe, it’s always considered a wise choice to wet the paper a little bit before you do the deed. Then you can wipe your ass clean!

P.S – A newspaper in Australia named “The NT News” understood the struggles every Aussie might go through in the morning. Hence they came up with an idea and printed eight blank pages with cut-out marks so you can use them for emergency bathroom situations. Isn’t that sweet of them?

YES, WE ACTUALLY DID PRINT IT #toiletpapercrisis pic.twitter.com/jusP50ojYu

— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 4, 2022

2. The Lota

Now let’s do this the Asian way! It is used more often in India and some parts of Asia. The “Lota” has been used throughout ancient history and to date is being used by people. This lota resembles a tea-pot with a small hole through which the water passes through. When you are done with your daily deed, all you need to do is use the lota and clean your butt. Repeat it until you deem it to be clean enough.

Yes, you might have to sanitize your hands post this, but aren’t it a great and cost-effective option anyway! For all we know, you can carry this with you during camping, vacation, and that’s what makes it travel-friendly. Here’s one fantastic toilet paper alternative that can be found online for around $10+ shipping!

3. Bidet

Let’s add a bit of French touch, shall we? By far, the best alternative that we can think of would be the Bidet. Created in the earlier era by the French, a Bidet is like a water bath specially crafted for your rear! Yes, when you visit a European nation, be prepared to find a bidet alongside a wash-let beside your toilet.

It is usual for Europeans to be chilled out in such a situation as they wouldn’t be worried about toilet paper.

You will be amazed to know that nowadays, there is a custom made toilet that has a bidet fitted in it. With the push of a button on the remote control, warm water will be sprayed across your rear until it’s clean. Not just that, another button will blast through some warm air to dry off your butt. Yes, this is not a cheap option, but it lets your rear get some luxurious treatment. The pricing for various types range from $39 and goes up to $529+.

Here are some of the best Bidets:

Bidet with remote control

Bio Bidet with best features

4. Bum Gun

I know the name sounds like an attack by an ass#*%$ villain. At least it would rightfully be a suitable mode of attack.

A “Bum Gun” fondly titled in South East Asia is like a handheld bidet that sprays water from a hose.

All you need to do is to point and squeeze the nozzle. The Bum gun will do the rest. This method is considered to be convenient and saves money. There are Bum Guns that have options for spraying hot or cold water. Isn’t that a great option? Like wow, your bum gets to choose if it needs cold or warm water.

Luxurious Bum Gun

Handheld Bum Gun

5. Tabo

We will now add a Filipino invention! Also pronounced as the “Tah-Boh” this resembles a small plastic cup.

Yes, that’s right. This cup looks like a small bucket of water with a long handle. (You know where we’re going with this, right?) To reach the bottom of this matter, all you have to do is fill the tabo to the brim. Then you can take it along when you visit the washroom. In the absence of toilet paper, the Tabo will help cleanse your bum quickly. It’s quite famous in the Filipino community. To make matters easier for you, we’ve chosen two different kinds of Tabo’s!

The basic Tabo (in sets of 3)

6. Reusable Toilet Wipes

Now lets’ get a bit environment-friendly. When you wish not to be a pain in the butt towards the environment, reusable toilet wipes come in handy. You can use them during your daily routine and then maintain a small storage bin, especially for the wipes. At the end of the day/week, you can put them to wash in the washing machine.

Some wipes can last even after 50+ washes. These are environment-friendly and cost-effective.

So who said wiping your butt can’t be environment-friendly, huh?

Bamboo reusable paper

Reusable paper towels

7. Banana Leaves

Let’s go back to the Jungle. Banana leaves were used in ancient times when our ancestors needed to clean their butt clean. Like George from the Jungle that kept using banana leaves, we too can use these when times are tough. It’s quite simple. All you have to do is use the long leaves and use enough surface as required.

The best part about these leaves is that they’re better than our usual paper because of its softness. So say no to any possible rashes! Because of their length, you can use a part of it and use the rest for another time. Also, it’s readily available throughout the world; hence you can always stock them up for emergencies.

8. Bills & Receipts

In the 21st century, we have multiple bills and receipts to handle. Most of us don’t even take care of them and store them in a safe place. Now you’d be wondering, why store such an expense? We’ll tell you why. With these bills and receipts, you indirectly get tons of extra paper that play like an alternative to toilet paper. Moreover, the sizes of these bills and receipts are compact and perfect to use for your butt.

Wiping material as such can always come in handy, and hence if you haven’t stored these, start doing so. This will surely come in aid during potty situations where you’re out of toilet paper.

9. Your HANDS!!

If you’re not from Asia, it might sound gross for you to use your hands to clean your crap!

Oh yes, it is usual in Asia to use your hands to clean the rear area. People often use the left-hand technique here and my friend. That’s how you know why Asians usually use their right hand to eat.

This is because they use the left to clean the dirt and sanitize it! Using the left hand is not at all disgusting as long as the dirt doesn’t enter your fingernails.

All you have to do is be careful while using your hands. You don’t want sharp nails cutting through the sensitive area. This will mean there is a possibility that the dirt and debris might enter the open wound. Perhaps the best alternative post water would be to use your hands. It’s the only option that will always be with you no matter what the situation is.

10. Rope

If you ever wondered what Jack Sparrow from “Pirates of the Caribbean” used to clean his butt, maybe we have the answer ready.

It is said that pirates and sailors from earlier times would use the end of a rope when it comes to cleaning their tush.

Yes, think about it: People who are always in the sea would just use the end of a rope to clean their butt. Then they can put this rope out in the ocean for it to get wet and clean. Isn’t that a brilliant idea? We certainly think so. So if you’re out of options and are looking for cost-effective choices, you can always count on a rope to save your washroom life.

11. Corn Husks

Our environment is more friendly than you can imagine. As long as history can be dated, corn husks were supposed to be the best toilet paper available. Yes, don’t think it will hurt as these are the green leaves that cover the corn. These leaves are softer than ever and are gentle on your bum. The best part about these husks is that you don’t need to throw the husks when you remove the corn out. This means you can store them for a long time. It is, however, advisable that you use the middle layer of husks as it is the softest material available for your ass!

12. Snow

People living in snow-clad countries will know this option better than the rest of the world. Now we know nature can be threatening too. Sometimes the temperature dips to such a low that it is impossible to get out even for a walk. So if you are out of toilet paper, then what will you do?

Well, take the help of nature, no? Yes, we are talking about snow. All this while you created a snow-man, but now this snow will save your tush! You can make a shape that resembles like paper and wipe your bum. What’s right about this is that your bum does get clean and also feels cool! Isn’t this such a nature-friendly option?

13. Any form of Cotton

Cotton is not just your friend for medical reasons or for girls who use it with their beauty products. When push comes to shove, you can always look at cotton as your best friend. And best friends are always there to clean you up when you’re stuck in crappy situations, right?

Like that, any form of cotton is good for your rear whether it’s cotton balls or wipes. You can dip them in water and swiftly wipe off your rear until you’re satisfied. Then you can dispose of this cotton off and go along having a nice day! The best part about cotton lies in the fact that wet or no wet, it is thicker than most alternatives. Hence you wouldn’t have to worry about your hands getting messier.

14. Sponge

We know that Romans have been a valued part of the world’s history. Everything they did was kind of historic and was recorded too. So let’s discuss what they did during such tush situations.

It is being said that ancient Romans would use a sponge with a handle when it came to cleaning their bum. Considered as an effective tool, all you had to do was dip the stick in the water. Then, use the now wet sponge to give your tush an experience to remember. What was also surprising is the fact that most of these people would use communal sponges that means many used one sponge. Now that’s not possible today, nor would anyone agree to it, right?

Something like this:

Is a Toilet paper alternative worth it?

A toilet paper comes in handy every single day when you visit the washroom. But this discussion is purely for matters when you’re out of toilet paper. With the health scare of coronavirus, governments have announced for people to stay home. Hence until this lockdown what if you’re out of toilet paper. Now that would be a shocking day for you. But don’t worry as we have got some alternatives for you.

The Toilet paper alternatives are a way for you to be prepared for the worst scenario possible. Hence we feel that this is worth it, and you’ll feel secure knowing you’re ready for every situation. Most of these alternatives are reasonable, with only a few crossing the $100 mark. Consider it as a one-time investment and utilize it when the day arrives.

Should you purchase a Toilet paper alternative? Or why should you not?

YES – If you’re the experimental kind that is okay to use anything other than toilet paper, then this list will expand your horizons! We have 14 lucrative options utilized worldwide, and some predate to historical times too. These are reasonably priced, most of them are eco-friendly, and some will not create waste!

NO – If you’re in love with toilet paper and using anything else disgusts you, then maybe you will not look for these alternatives. We know that most of the cities in Europe and America are not used to anything except the epic toilet paper. But we earnestly request you to go through this list as it might come in handy someday!

Which Toilet paper alternative should I buy?

When it comes to matters of your ass, it is best if you research each aspect. We believe these are some things that are more important than money. Hence before just buying the cheapest option, look for health-friendly options as well. Doing your research at the end of the day will help you find an alternative. It will also keep your family safe and secure.

Best Toilet paper alternative Buyer’s guide:

Now, we understand that it might get difficult to research if you don’t know where to start with. So don’t worry as we are here with a Buyer’s guide that will help you make the final decision with ease:

Health friendly – The first aspect you will check if the alternative is health-friendly. Now you don’t want a thorn stuck up your ass because you used the wrong plant, right? Or poison ivy for that matter! Hence do your research on the health aspect. If it doesn’t have adverse or any kind of side effects, then I guess you’ve got to shortlist it.

Eco-friendly – Next, let’s think about the environment too! Finding an alternative that is not eco-friendly increases waste. With time, we must understand that living a sustainable life is possible when the environment is clean. Hence let’s also consider eco-friendly options.

Pricing – We have purposely kept pricing as the last option. This is because most alternatives come in the sub $100 bracket. You can always consider this as a one-time investment and go for it! Pricing should not be your deal-breaking decision. It should only be one of the factors that lead you to choose an alternative.

Best Toilet paper alternative 2022

To conclude with this article, we know that it’s a scary time, and people are in panic mode. We urge you to take care of your health and also of your family. It would be nice if you could share this article with your family and friends!

This article had just one aim i.e., to bring to light toilet paper alternatives that are readily available. So we hope that it has helped you understand all 14 options with clarity!

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Last update on 2022-06-30 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API